Weird things about Asia
I am currently spending most of July and a bit of August traveling in Asia, and while I have been in China before (see documentary here), this time, I’ve picked a second round of really special places. The trip started in Singapore, then Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Jakarta, Yogyakarta, Bali, Gili Islands and finally Singapore again. Every minute, I have a hundred “observational tweets” going through my mind as I walk and watch. Lack of internet connectivity prevents me to type and send those however. That’s why I figured I should be posting a few of my recent thoughts and sights:
SINGAPORE
Once you’re on public transport or within the inner city, life is completely westernized. Public toilets are nicer than those you’d find in Vienna, malls are bigger, people are richer. It’s a clear picture, saying we’ve got money and we’ve built places to spend it. Yet, as soon as you hit the metro and ride it a few stops, you’re out in the wild again. It’s still city, 360 degrees around you, but life, people, food, manners, habits and safety changes dramatically, in less than 4 or 5 metro stops. There’s hookers, police raids, really not recommendable street food (and really recommendable food too), full meals for less than a few dollars and more dodgy corners than a russian brothel could ever have. Two hotel chains, namely Hotel 81 and Fragrance Hotel dominate the not 5-star spending category. Almost every other block has one of these two hotels. Quality is low (prices are around 40 USD/night), but tops hostels anytime. Problem is though, once you stay at a Hotel 81 or Fragrance, you are very likely staying far from a metro station (10/15 minutes walking time and more). And carrying a backpacker’s luggage through this city, in that humid heat, is the least fun thing you’re up for after falling out of your plane. Hunting down taxis with large bags is a bulletproof way to tourist-special-pricing, and not fun either on these streets.
Yet, it’s one of the few places in Asia, where I can see people from the west arrive, and never leave again. People do understand English, try to speak it (and sometimes do speak it quite well) and signage, advertisements, announcements are all in English. It’s the official language, which, in my book, is a pretty awesome move on behalf of who made that final call right there.
BANGKOK
The amount of human pleasure-machines on offer trumps the number of refilled water bottles sold as new on every street corner anytime. And they sell a LOT of water on these streets. I’ve rarely been so disgusted by mankind (mostly —man—) as in Bangkok. One the one hand, you see people dig themselves further and further into their own pile of dirt, without thinking for a second that throwing away another bottle, another plastic bag or whatever is at hand, will just make the whole situation even worse - and disgusted on the other hand, seeing hundreds if not thousands of foreigners (farangs) finding “true love” in 19-25 year old farmer girls who move to the city to escape an empty future. I’ve overheard more than one conversation of two drunk friends debating whether they should try to buy the girl “out of there”… because she “really likes me”… I mean really, everything is this city is just centered around it. I’ve had already had a rough time escaping and hiding from backpackers, Lonely Planets and first-time 18-year old “world-travellers” stopping over in Bangkok on the way to Laos… Hotel reviews mostly always include “safe to bring a —guest—” comments and Patpong, the once gogo-goto-area is already long pushed out by the seedier streets in town, Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza. And despite all this “tourism” going on, people have an incredibly hard time understanding or speaking English. Phrases are (and I dare to say this is the complete list) limited to “tuk tuk? Sir? hello handsome! girlsgirls?? taxi? hello boss!! DVD!! welcome! pingpongshow??” - and when you try to ask a question that does not seem to produce money when answered, it won’t be. I enjoyed being on the boats speeding through the slum canals, generally being on boats, where, being a white (especially European/American) tourist is the exception (because they’re on the so called blue-flag tourist boat, for 10x the price). I love figuring cities out. I like when the boat cashier comes along, offers me three variants of a ticket, obviously would never speak English to me, and I know what ticket I want. Bangkok has a lot of these challenges. The more of these challenges you figure out, the deeper and closer you get to the real Bangkok - and that’s where less hookers and more good food is hidden. I enjoyed Bangkok, but it’s easily depressing if you do not enjoy seeing groups and groups and groups of Arab and European men with a very special smile on their faces exiting the trains at Nana or Asok stations… If anything can be recommended in Bangkok, then I would say: Go to the central boat station (BTS goes there), wait for the orange flag boat (ignore every person trying to convince you the blue flag boat is the tourist boat and that’s where you should be - plus, don’t get insecure when you see hundreds of tourists on that boat, it’s an easy sell), take the orange flag boat north (it does go south too, so be careful to figure out where it’s coming from) and exit somewhere near the Golden Mount Temple / Kao San Road. It’s a 20 min walk from there to the canal boat station, pretty hard to find (hidden under a bridge, with a path trough the trees), find it somehow, hop on the boat, pay the cashier when he walks as the boat speeds through the slums, 11-17 Baht and enjoy being local for some 20 minutes to half an hour. Then, shower, dress up and head to the State Tower (as seen in Hangover 2). Arrive there, enter elevator, up to 64th floor or something, enjoy the view - it’s one of the most spectacular views in the world (not because of the skyline only, but the setting of the outdoor restaurant bar). Talk to the cocktail guy (the boss of the bar) about cocktails and ask him about his efforts. Seems like a very interesting story, from what I heard - and even more so, digest the contrast to what you experienced earlier that day. And if you start to think that Bangkok is really just about instant STD experiences and ripping off tourists, head straight to Chinatown. Once you’re on the main Chinatown street, take a right or left into one of these dark alleys smelling like rotten fish and you’ll go from “not sure about Bangkok” to “THIS IS INSANE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT” (plus HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE!!?) in seconds. Been my favorite part of town.
KUALA LUMPUR
I frankly had no idea what to expect of KL. Is it a poor, rough city? A smaller Bangkok? Is it a smaller Singapore? Is it hardcore religious, or very westernized? I did not know that my arrival would be at the so-called LCCT. The low-cost carrier terminal. This is a must-know part of any travel arriving or leaving KL. The terminal is at the same airport, but 20km taxi/bus ride away from the main terminal. And KL Ekspress (the train to the city-center, KL Sentral) leaves from there only. Shuttling over to the main terminal is not a smart move, not free, takes a lot of time (up to 90 minutes). What I did instead was to buy transfer tickets to a bus service that takes you to a nearby (20 minutes), completely deserted train station. Once the driver dumps you there, you hear nothing - it’s absolutely silent. It’s country-side, the wildest form, plus, a small but decent train station. A few people, plus you and your tourist friends, all wondering if this was a smart thing to do after all. Trains go every 30 mins or so, once you’re on it, you’re all happy and sound again. Until you hit KL Sentral, a confusing train station, with many different ticket counters. You want to head out of it to the Monorail, which is the major mode of moving around fast in the city. And, on the map, there’s a station called KL Sentral Monorail. Ha, so same thing right? Right?? Well, almost, except a 10 minute (really, really! exhausting) walk around a construction site that occupies a huge city block, over a very busy street until you finally, some 10-20 minutes later, find the monorail station. That was something. Once one it, again, things are awesome. It’s cool (really cool) and fast, and easy and just everything a western heart needs to be happy after dropping out of a plane. My hotel recommendation is Hotel Capitol, it’s the most awesome price/value ratio I’ve seen in a very long time. Big big recommendation.
People wise, it’s interesting. They understand English much much better than in Bangkok, almost at Singapore level. Lots of text and ads and such are in English again, so are a lot of things on TV or announcements. They’ve figured that part out! It’s also SUPER SUPER clean (city center). Food is insanely cheap (full meals and drink for around 2 EUR/USD, up to 10 EUR in food courts or restaurants) and offered in wide selections, nice buffets and accompanied by many many pictures. In general, the more pictures a restaurant has, the more “Sir Sir! Here” you will hear, passing by. Good old marketing.
I fell in love with KL first sight (once I was in the city). There are a few problems with missing interconnectivity of the metro system, absolutely non-existent signage for buses (try and see how well you do on the Batu Cave - I took the public bus - challenge!) and the vast amount of shopping centers making you wonder if you’re actually a really really poor person, even in Asia… I’ve seen the 8th or 9th largest mall in the world there, and it’s been bigger than anything I’ve ever seen before, building-wise. And there’s a lot of these malls there, so much actually, that after a while of walking around, it becomes apparent that most of inner-KL is composed out of these malls. I was feeling better when I realized what KL is actually all about. While it certainly has a lot of historical roots and a deep culture, it really has transformed into the luxurious hangout for Islamic people. I’ve never seen this amount of women 99% covered in full black clothes with their husbands sporting white shorts and Abercrombie and Fitch polos. They’re everywhere (the Arabs especially) and they’re all hustling and rolling like 50 Cent spilling Crystal. It’s a luxury hangout, mall prices top European malls (except in Paris and London maybe), and the only thing to really enjoy about KL is either finding the “hidden” parts about town or chilling, hanging back and diving into the warm air with cool drinks.
JAKARTA
Tonight, I’ve arrived in Jakarta. And it’s been an insane 4 hours already. The airport is completely filled with tricksters, scammers and really annoying taxi fetchers. You step out on public ground and it will not take a second until you’re bombarded with words “TAXI, WHERE? BLUEBIRD? SIR? HERE? COME? CITY? JAKARTA SIR? WHICH HOTEL? BAG? SIR?” and this comes from not one but a string of people tagging on to you as you keep walk pushing them away (literally - no words were of any help). It’s like the last day on earth with you having the last meal in your bag. NOT PLEASANT. Funny thing is, these small street gangsters are pretty smart folks: There is one major company in Jakarta offering responsible, reliable taxi services called Blue Bird Group. They have focused on trustworthiness, using the meter at all times (and in these countries, everyone tries to not use it and give you a much worse deal instead), uniformed drivers and cars and a safer experience. They sound like limousines, but are in fact just really regular taxis and the preferred choice of anyone local or regular visiting. The only cheaper option are non-safe, old private cars driven by insane people. So, Blue Bird is the way to go. And these people know. That’s why they keep mentioning the word Blue Bird all the time, and on my way out, I’ve seen how they were able to at least stop almost every white person with that trick. As soon as you ask them clearly: ARE YOU DRIVING A BLUE BIRD TAXI? - they’ll stutter and try to come up with nonsense like SIR SIR BAG, FASTER, TRAFFIC JAM, COME ON HERE, CHEAP. MUCH CHEAPER. —- Blue Bird Taxi?? - SIR YES TAXI, CHEAP TAXI, OVER HERE… —- one guy, comes up to me, says, Blue Bird Taxi? I say YES! Finally! He asks where I am going. I gave him the address I wrote down and he says, sure, come with me. I am happy, thinking I found them, finally, after all these maniacs. He finds a pen, writes on my address: 250.000 rupiah (that’s 23 EUR or so). I look at him (knowing that standard charge is 90.000) and say, what the fuck dude?? He looks at me, not really knowing the meaning of the words I said, YES SIR, SIR, LET’S GO! CHEAP! TRAFFIC! and smiles like everything is cool. I grab him by the hand, he gets uncomfortable, and I say, you said BBTaxi, why are you saying 250.000? He says: THAT’S NORMAL PRICE. WHY? COME ON, HERE. And I stop him again, and say: You said, Blue Bird Taxi, and you say 250.000, you’re lying, why? HE smiles. Just smiles. Then thinks… thinks some more… says: WHAT YOUR PRICE? SIR? — I say, 90.000 … he looks at me “NOOOO NOO”, I say, that’s normal. 90.000 is normal. He says: OK, OK SORRY, NOT BLUE BIRD. And walks away. Asshole. Again, a lot of people who simply don’t care about the perception tourists take away from their first experience. It’s all about surviving, making the most money, stepping up, showing no fear and definitely avoiding losing face - at any cost. Over an hour later, my number got called up and I finally had a decent BB taxi. I didn’t know that even at 8-9pm, traffic is the absolute worst, which led to 2 hours taxi-time in traffic. 10 EUR, for 2 hours of taxi. This barely gets me from one side of Vienna to the other side in the middle of the night, speeding, on a highway. On the way in, I had more than just a few heart-attack near-death moments. The driver was insane, yet, he was considered a safe and normal variant. I do not want to know what a less-skilled or not as safe considered driver would be like. I was pumped when I got out of the taxi, adrenaline high at skydiving intensity. Worst moment was certainly when, on a 50m elevated bridge, he decided to squeeze in between the side rail and a huge truck at over 90 km/h. Not even on a bike would I ever think of squeezing by. We “kissed” both, the rail and the truck with both mirrors at the same time, great experience. The whole traffic situation in Jakarta is purely insane. Streets on Bangkok are kindergarden compared this shit going down here. A family of 4 people on 1 motorbike !!! Some 10 people or so on the back of a pickup speeding like nuts on the highway, a guy jumping on the sidewalk microseconds before the driver would have hit him, slightly hitting his shoe… and much more of this craziness. I will shoot some video and upload once I have a chance.
So far, alive and sound. This city will be intense.
